Welcome I cry. A lot. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m mad. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m overcome by emotions I cannot describe. I cry when I’m overwhelmed or stressed. I cry when I’m tired. I cry when I’m hungry…okay, I’m just kidding there, it’s starting to sound like I’m a toddler. That’s a lot of tears, though. I have always been embarrassed by how much and how easy it is to get me to cry. Can you relate? Even if you cannot relate to this, it may be good to know just what some of us are dealing with during these times of tears. Thanks for joining me today.
Food For Thought I’ve given my husband some good natured ribbing over the years about the discretion of when he uses tears and when he does not. I often say things like “You cry about the reveal on OverHaulin’ but you don’t cry over the birth of your child?” My mom has informed me on several occasions that he did have tears when our little girl was born. I didn’t see that, but I have seen him cry over someone’s new car. I’ve always found it interesting how he can cry over a dog movie but he may not cry at a funeral. To me, it didn’t make sense. But on the flip side, I bet there have many times he’s been baffled by the amount of tears I’m able to muster and why exactly some of these occasions are tissue-worthy.
As someone who’s battled with depression on and off throughout my entire adult life, there have been many tears shed that I could not explain. I would go through days, weeks, even months, where I would cry every single day. My husband would ask what was wrong. I could only think to say, “Nothing and everything.” That is the best way to describe what I was going through. There was nothing truly wrong with me, at least physically, or anything around me. I am fully aware of how blessed I am and what a great life God has allowed me to have. And even in the midst of knowing those things, everything was wrong. In my mind, I couldn’t do anything right, no one wanted or needed me, and everything around me was falling apart without any way to stop it or control it. By the grace of God, I would eventually reach a light at the end of the tunnel. A day would come and I would tell my husband, “You know what, I didn’t cry today.” He would say, “Well that’s a good thing,” but I know he was as relieved as I was that I had finally reached some good days again. The thing about my depression is I was so embarrassed by it. It was consuming my life, but I didn’t want anyone to know about it. I wanted everyone at college, work, church, family, and friends to think I had it all together. I wanted people to see my as positive, happy, organized, efficient, successful, and smart. I did not want to be seen as needy in any way. So I would try to hide the tears. In college, I would go sit in my car to cry. At work or church, I would go into the bathroom and cry. This was especially important at work. I heard what coworkers said about the women we knew cried “publicly.” They were not kind! Sometimes we can’t just “suck it up, buttercup.”
As my husband and I started dating, and even after we were first married, I tried to keep my tears to myself, never wanting him to see what I thought was my ugliest side. Of course, you can’t live with and love someone like we do and keep secrets for long. But I still felt bad. My tears made him confused and hurt. He didn’t know how to help me and I didn’t know how to help him understand. I have now learned that those tears carried messages to God. Tears for words that I could not express. Time and again, He has brought me back around and healed the pain. Through this process of healing I have learned to embrace the tears, for many reasons.
People void passion or personality don’t cry. People that are in the very deepest recesses of emotional illness are numb, they do not cry. People without a vibrant life, full of variety and experiences do not cry. I am not one of those people. I have passion and when I feel something, I feel it completely. My personality is not dry or void of empathy. I may deal with depression from time to time, but I’ve been spared the experience of complete numbness. I have a life full of events and memories that can move me to tears.
I am learning to embrace the tears and it’s been so freeing! When I am at home and in the middle of a Bible study or prayer that moves me so deeply that I feel the Holy Spirit’s presence with me, I cry, and that’s okay. When I watch a movie like Miracles from Heaven and reminded of God’s power and also my own great many blessings, I cry, and that’s okay. When my husband and I hike to a secluded waterfall and the sun is just coming up over the water and it sparkles like a million fireflies glowing in the shadows, I feel God’s presence, and I cry. When my husband or daughter hurts my feelings and I have no words to express my disappointment, I cry, and then feel better and forgive. When I see a miracle in my life, or someone else’s life, I cry, and say, “I know that was You, God!” When friends suffer with sadness or illness, I cry with them. When friends experience overwhelming joy, I cry with them. Crying is not a weakness to be ashamed of, but a powerful way to express emotions. It’s one of the many facets of who I am and shows that I am REAL and HONEST.
Today’s Scripture Shortest passage in scripture. Two words. Powerful words. Jesus was here, like us. He knew heart ache and sorrow. He mourned the loss of others, including his close friend Lazarus. Even knowing the miracle about to take place, Jesus wept for his friend. He knew what it is like to be moved to tears. He was not ashamed of His tears. I am no longer ashamed of my tears.
Today’s Recipe Okay, this is NOT my recipe, but I tried it and bless my heart, this is GREAT! If you can believe it, I had never tried a mug cake until last week! I shared a week or two ago about trying to come up with some “small batch” baking recipes because we don’t need a TON of sweet stuff hanging around our house. But you know, sometimes you just HAVE to satisfy that sweet tooth craving. This is the way to go. Mug cakes, where have you been all my life? Anyway, most of you know that I love the peanut butter and chocolate combo, so how can you go wrong with a Peanut Butter Chocolate chip Mug Cake for One? I found this flourless version at Kirbie’s Cravings food and travel blog. I tweak so many recipes, but this one was perfect just as is, I don’t know how I could make any improvements. Fast, easy, and just enough.
Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Mug Cake for One
- 3 TBS peanut butter
- 1 TBS brown sugar
- 1/4 tsp baking powder
- 1 egg
- 2 TBS chocolate chips
In microwave safe mug, combine peanut butter, brown sugar, baking powder, and egg. Stir in 1 tablespoon of chocolate chips. Sprinkle the remaining chocolate chips on top of batter. Microwave on full power for 1 minute and 15 seconds. That’s it!