Never have I ever…been drunk. Honest! I’ve had the occasional adult beverage from time to time, but never more than a couple in an evening and I certainly haven’t been impaired from consumption.
I hear, though, that it is possible to consume enough alcohol to lose your senses. More than once I have heard someone in their early twenties, or sadly, in their teen years, admit that they drank so much they can’t remember what they said or did. I am so glad I don’t fall into this category.
But I’m not talking about the evils of alcohol or temperance today, although this conversation does have a time and place. Today I’m talking about something I have experienced…emotional drunkenness.
Food For Thought
What exactly do I mean by emotional drunkenness? Well, have you ever gotten so emotional, so worked up in a state of, well, despair, that you just start spewing forth every thought that comes into your head, without any sense of filter? I have!
I doubt that I’m the only woman that reaches a breaking point from time to time. Whether spurred on by total exhaustion, prompted by frustration or hormones, or I have simply reached a place of emotional chaos and turmoil. Sometimes, there’s all these little things that keep nagging at me until I can’t hold in my thoughts and opinions any longer. Maybe it’s something big I’ve been fighting personally, but can no longer bear the burden alone. Whatever the cause, I’m heading for a melt down. About 98% of the time, my husband is going to have the “privilege” of witnessing my coming undone. This is good, because he’s the only one I trust (aside from God) with this level of vulnerability.
I never know what the tipping point may be that starts this verbal tornado. I try very hard not to say words that are permanently damaging in these moments. But hurtful words is not really what I’m talking about with my emotional drunkenness. I’m talking about all the things I’ve kept bottled up deep inside, issues that have no relevance to the current place and time, yet in my state of dramatic release, they are all brought to the surface and out of my mouth.
In these moments, I often have difficulty explaining my feelings to my husband. He knows I’m upset, but it’s usually a lot more than that. It can include being scared or worried or frustrated or tired or a sadness that I cannot explain. Maybe I’m carrying disappointments and hurts, but don’t know how to express them without hurting his feelings. I may have feelings of bitterness or jealousy, coupled with guilt. It may be all of these emotions at once.
I had one of these moments recently. It was brought on my a book I was reading. I closed my book and went to bed. Then I laid there and cried. And cried and cried some more. My husband finally came to bed and of course asked, “What’s wrong?” So many times he asks me this and I say, “I don’t know.” I’m not wrong. It’s nothing specific, yet everything all at once. But then, before I knew it, I was spouting a giant list of everything wrong with my life.
I have a pretty good life. God answers many of my prayers, always provides for me and my family, and has spared us of great tragedy. For these things, I am incredibly grateful. But that night, I felt like nothing I ever do is right or good enough and I will never achieve the goals I set out to achieve. I got so worked up and emotional, I could barely form a coherent sentence. Yep, emotional drunkenness! It was late and my husband patiently sat up with me, hugging me and saying all the right words. When my tears ran out and I was exhausted, we turned out the light and went to sleep.
The next morning, though, I wondered just how much I had said and if, perhaps, I had said too much. What if my husband felt he wasn’t doing enough to keep me happy? What if I said something that made him feel worse about himself or made him think I didn’t love him anymore? What if I just came across as whiney, pouty, and a champion complainer?
I have an amazing husband, let me tell you! When I voiced these concerns, he told me he would prefer I get it all out rather than walk around sad or mad all the time. And now that I have all my senses about me again, I realize I didn’t overshare. We were just having a moment of vulnerability and I let my husband do one of the things he does best…comfort me while I was in a low place.
Reflecting back over my life, I know there were times when I said things because of emotional drunkenness. They may have been times when I was so hurt or angry, times when I wanted to protect my own ego or image, even times when I thought I was in love, saying things that seemed right or justified in the moment. This is why it is so very important for me to keep God’s Words close to my heart and on my lips, so I will have the help of the Holy Spirit to filter what I’m saying, no matter what emotions I may be feeling at the time.
I am always a work in progress, including my emotions and communication. This simple piece of wisdom from Proverbs is a good reminder to tame my spirit.
Today’s Arts & Crafts Project
Venting all my thoughts and feelings aloud may be foolish, at times. But I don’t need to keep everything bottled up, either. This only builds up the pressure when the volcano of emotion erupts at a later time. This is the perfect time to turn to journaling as a way to address my feelings without putting relationships and people in the line of fire.
You can buy any form of journals or notebooks in practically any shop, from the dollar store down the street, to the mall book store, to mass chain retailers, and of course, the internet. But if you’re into crafty and custom or you just want to make something homemade as a gift option, you can pull together a few simple supplies and craft your own journal. I didn’t have to buy any supplies for this journal I made this week. Everything I needed was found in my craft room stash! Here’s how I made it:
Make-Your-Own Burlap (or Paper) Journal
You Will Need:
- a standard composition notebook
- thin burlap fabric or burlap-print paper (check scrapbooking department)–2 12×12 pieces is what I used
- pencil and ruler
- scissors or paper trimmer
- craft glue or Mod-Podge (I love mosaic adhesive…it’s the strongest)
- rolling pin or other rolling item to smooth cover
- stencils, paint, and brushes-if desired
- stickers and embellishments-if desired (I used self-stick burlap flowers and wood buttons)
- coordinating pen
I used 12×12 burlap-look paper, which I think is a little easier to work with, but thin burlap would work too. I covered the front and back covers separately, I folded each piece over a bit to the inside cover and measured how much to trim from top, bottom, and spine.
I used a paper trimmer to cut down my paper to size. Save a long scrap to cover the spine of the notebook.
Measure and trim both pieces of paper or fabric.
Using craft glue or Mod Podge, thinly coat the front cover and place the paper or fabric. Add glue to inside flap. Use roller or rolling pin to smooth out any bumps. Use a cloth to remove any excess glue. Allow to dry, then repeat the process with back cover. Dry completely.
Take a long piece of the scrap you trimmed at the beginning. Measure to wrap around the spine. Trim, if needed. Put a thin coat of adhesive on the back and wrap it around the spine. Smooth with roller. Allow to dry.
Decide on a title for your journal. I used this “Be Still” stencil from my Bible journaling set. You can also use stickers or free-write your title on your cover.
Using acrylic craft paint, I painted my title on the front cover in a color to coordinate with my embellishments. If painting, allow to dry before finishing cover.
Add preferred embellishments to your cover. I decided on these red and cream colored burlap flowers that have peel-and-stick backs.
I measured and cut two pieces of twine to wrap around my notebook. Before tying, I threaded a wooden button. I wrapped the twine and tied a bow. I added a nice pen on the twine. Now, I have a new journal to use for venting my feelings or maybe a nice gift for a friend who needs a pick-me-up.